1. I think I get to walk down the aisle at Nad's wedding with a guy who has a mohawk!!!! With my tattoo and his hair, that will be one priceless picture.
2. Some bitter woman just started talking to us at Starbucks last night. According to her, all men are jerks and if you don't get married young it's hopeless. Great...
3. To the annonymous person who searched my site last night: I don't know whether to be flattered or creeped out, but I will choose to be flattered and assume that you were reaching out with compassion. If that is the case, then thank you, it made me smile and made me feel good to know someone cares...even if I have no clue who you are.(that said, who are you???)
One of those nights where she has to pretend that she's sleeping under a blanket so no one can see that she's crying. Where she then sits outside in a cold car for ten minutes because she can't see and can't breath and doesn't want to be anywhere else. And she calls you, ten minutes later while she's banging her head against the steering wheel but can't talk because she wants to say so many things she can't. And she calls someone else because it's easier being treated like crap when you can blame it on alcoholism. And at least he doesn't answer but she hears his voice for the first time in seven months and it makes her feel worse. When she does finally leave she has to pull over several times on the drive because everything is a kaleidoscope through her tears. Driving is bad anyways because every time she is in the car she either wants to crash it or drive away and never turn back. And she feels so damned fucked-up worthless. And all she wants to do is go to sleep and never wake up.
And she hates every time you point out a girl you used to date or that you used to like because all you think is why am I not good enough. And she hates when you say that you'd never have a serious conversation online and if you had something to talk about you'd do it in person or call because you did all of your talking there and you broke up with her there and you never called her to talk. And she hates you for telling her that you liked her and wanted to date her and then later saying you never meant it. And she hates that you only want to see her when you're sleeping with her and if you're not she doesn't matter anymore. She hates that you never even talk to her anymore or ask if she's OK and you don't realize what it is that really hurts her. And she hates that you seem to want to spend all your time with someone else. And she hates herself for getting into it all and for not realizing that you never cared. And she hates herself so damned much. And all she wants to do is go to sleep and never wake up.
1. Well, my pussy died a while ago (what can I say, I seriously once killed a cactus because I didn't water it enough) so today I finally replaced it. Meet Pussy II:
2. Last night I met up with Heather for dinner. We went to get all you can eat fish and chips and were told there would be about a 20-25 minute wait. Half an hour later we tracked down the hostess who told us it would be a 20-25 minute wait. We then went across the street for Mexican food and were seated right away. After dinner we watched some Laguna Beach and tried to convince Joe that it was 24. (oh boy, this explains it all: the love triangle now becomes a rectangle...why is this shot like a reality show?)Then we watched some telemundo where, we think, a man and a woman had an intense conversation about orange juice, a woman thought a doll was a real baby, and on the news they interviewed an empty chair.
3. Today I used an ATM in America! It was a drive up one too, welcome to the 21st century, Val!
One of my ongoing projects is going to be to eventually scan and post every photo I have :) I might need more webspace for that one... And about a thousand years...Anyways, tonight I bring you back to April 2002, U of I quad, handing out flyers for "On the Rocks" (the outdoor one-act-play festival the Krannert Center Student Association put on). If you are wonderering who is in the suit, I can tell you this: the tall one is JoeJoe, the sandaled one is MattH, and the girly one is moi :)
3. My other two worlds collide: Spike TV to telecast 4 competitive eating programs this year. (what I find funniest is that everyone's first reaction to me showing them that link is 'there's a website for competitive eating news?'" - yes there is, and I read it regularly)
4. Is it a bad sign that I only realized Lent was upon us by the amount of fish sandwich commercials I've been seeing?
5. My thoughts on Britney. Now, I never particularly liked Miss Spears, but at least at one point she looked like she could have a long future of fame and stardom based, if nothing else, on her looks and sex appeal. At one point though, something happened and she reverted to some white trash backtracking and seemed to be spiraling downwards from there. For those living in a cave, the weekend Britney shaved off all of her hair. I like celebrity gossip the way I like my TV, horribly bad...Personally I don't even get how someone shaving their head has made news for days in a row. I for one completely understand that desire, as I often feel like taking a razor to my scalp when my hair seems like it will never be as nice as I know it could be (but then I come to my senses and realize that I don't want to be bald). There is one thing, though, that really irks me about this story. After shaving her head, Brit went and got herself some tattoos. While I have not seen pictures of them, the description sounds like horrible cheesy straight-off-the-wall flash. Despite the fact that that is bothersome in itself, it is not the point that I am troubled over. In each article I've seen, the tattoo-shop employees are quoted as saying that she looked agitated, distraught, disengaged. That she seemed out of it. My beef with this is that no reputable studio would tattoo someone in that condition. Tattoos are permanent (I guess though that she has enough money to have them removed...). A reputable shop should turn away business to someone who doesn't seem like they are in a coherent state of mind. Heck, even the hair stylist wouldn't touch her locks, and hair grows back (trust me). And that is my celebrity rant of the day.
6. 5 hours of American Idol this week. Heaven or hell?
At lunch today I found out the most depressing news I've ever heard. The love of my life, the man I hoped to spend my entire life with, the man I've been pursuing for the last six years...is getting married. :( He said that if I had gone to lunch with him yesterday, it might have been me. :( anyways, congratulations joejoe and alina! despite the fact that it's been my lifes mission to break them up, i do truly love them together and couldn't be happier for them. I guess I have to oficially move on from Joe :( But, then again, they're not married yet ;-)
oops...I meant to post this:
:)
Nad and I went to Sigara tonight and so I officially have four things checked off my list. I had a yummy
Raspberry stoli and 7up and we shared a "Serenity Now" (Jasmine and mint) hookah and a cheese plate. The hookah was really good and smooth and not as strong as I thought it would be. A lot of the time I didn't even know I'd gotten anything until I was actually blowing out the smoke :) The vibe of the place was really cool, we sat on pillows around a little table and there was a belly dancer going around. I will definitely go again :)
Highlights:
- hookah condoms
- discussing what it would take for jenny and I to get in a fist fight at Nadia's wedding.
- remembering the one "fight" Nad and I ever got in :)
- "When are you and "..." geting married?" (I love Bryan)
- Bryan "what's a fig?" Nadia "It's what they put inside of a fig newton"
I had a demitasse of Turkish coffee, which is amazing if you don't mind the texture. I don't normally like black coffee, but this is thicker so you don't need the cream. When I finished I read my grounds (even though you're technically not supposed to read your own) and saw:
- a duck, which means I have money coming in.
- mushrooms, which means a journey is coming.
I really hope both are true.
I need to buy myself an Ibrik.
1. You know how I said I hated MySpace because it is ugly? Well, I got a little inspired and apparently have no life so now My Space is prettier than your space. :)
2. I have a big scab inside of my belly button and I have no clue where that could have come from. I am sure you wanted to hear that.
3. I am jealous of the trains that go the opposite way because they have food cars.
U of I is officially retiring the chief. After Wednesday, he will no longer perform. :(
Personally, I never got the idea of "students against Chief Illiniwek." If you think it's so racist and you are against it, why are you going to the school? To me, it's like saying "I don't believe in abortions" and going to work for an abortion clinic. Why give your time or money to a school that stands for what you oppose?
I'm hoping that this will spark a bunch of people to show up to games in full Illiniwek gear. Then, instead of just one tasteful symbol, we'll have dozens of crazy drunk ones. That will do them proud! :)
We now return to our regularly scheduled blogging...
...Yeah, so I've strayed a bit over the last couple days and decided to just post some random snippets of things I work on. I may try to post more of my writing snips just for the hell of it. I apologize in advance...
1. Yesterday I had a nice Valentines treat of seeing a rather depressing opera. It was about a group of nuns who were killed. Despite the fact that it was kind of a downer, it was pretty damn awesome and I highly recommend it. The staging was just beautiful. Go see Dialogue of the Carmelites. Gogogo!
"Do you need me to prove something to you?" he asked. I was still crying, wetting his pillowcase. Whether it was from real sadness or trying to evoke pity and attention or from knowing my weaknesses, I'm not sure. Some combination of all three no doubt. I squirmed around in his bed to look back at him, leaning against the doorway molding.
"Yes," I screamed, but not out loud, in my head. Yes. Yes, I wanted for him to prove something to me. Yes, that was all I had ever wanted. Yes. I wanted him to prove that he loved me. That he even liked me. I wanted him to prove that he wanted me when he wasn't drunk or that he wasn't just using me. That he at least cared. That I was at least worth something. Somehow, I wanted him to prove this to me. It's what I'd been silently screaming for for years. I was convinced that if he was able to prove something to me that everything would be alright. I'd stop crying, I'd stop caring, we would be happy.
I shrugged my shoulders.
He grabbed his Marlboros off the dresser and left the room.
The piece of paper that I found on the playground was small, maybe an inch long by half an inch tall, precisely cut. One side of the paper was blank, and the other, in right-aligned type, displayed two numbers: 206,386 and 553, both fronted by dollar signs. We were on lunch recess when I found it, picking it off the blacktop in between a game of tag. It was, on all accounts, just a piece of paper, a scrap, garbage. To a seven year old, though, numbers with a dollar sign weren't just numbers, they were true paper currency, and I was rich.
"Let me see it," my best friend Meagan implored. I handed it over so she could have a look at my new fortune while I thought of what I could do with all that money. A pony, a house. I'd never need school again. But Meagan took the paper and slipped it into her pocket.
"Give it back," I said.
"Later," she said while running off to the lines back into the classrooms.
Later, after school, when I went to her house as I always did, she still wouldn't give the paper back to me. I pleaded with her over and over to return what was mine, but she refused. Her mother then knocked on the door, and we explained what had happened. She took the paper away from Meagan and, instead of returning it to me, cut it in half, each number - one frightfully big and one much much smaller - printed on either piece. She held each in a closed fist and had us choose. I ended up with $553, which I immediately tore to shreds.
I knew that it wasn't truly real money, that it was an imaginary sum, but I also knew that Meagan stole my make-believe treasure, and that I would never get it back. I was devastated having lost what was rightfully mine, finders keepers. I felt hurt, betrayed, broken, poor: all absurd considering that I had lost and Meagan had gained absolutely nothing.
When there is a tornado watch, I have to convince myself that I am going to die. I have to sit in my bed, curled in a comforter muttering to myself over and over, "I'm going to die, I'm going to die." Whatever you think is going to happen never does, I rationalize. So, I've adopted this thinking to work for me rather than against me. If I think that I am going to die, I won't. So instead of dying, I sit all night, restless, preparing for the inevitable. I started this ritual when I was very young and now, even though I see the ridiculousness in it, I cannot stop for fear that this is what has kept me alive all these years and that if I stop I won't make it through the night.
You would think that, as I've gotten older, these thoughts would subside to a more rational thinking. That I would realize that sometimes paper is just paper and is miniscule and doesn't mean a thing. But no, it's always the same thinking. And it's these same thoughts, these irrational thoughts, that ruin my relationships, make me jealous, make me second guess everything.
24 is just getting creepier and scarier and more and more confusing. Why can't they just spend 24 hours preparing for a tea party? The show frustrates me because I just want everything to be better and I don't think it will be.
--
Being told you are hated for 2 days, even if it is just a joke, can make a person feel pretty damn shitty.
--
It's days like today where I miss my old job because I would have called a snow day :(
I either want this super-cool car that reminds me of an updated version of a VW BUS (It has seating all around the sides in the back, a rotating passanger seat, and a weird lava-lamp thingy!):
OR
this super cool orange muscle car (I like the retro-ish look in cars):
I think MattyK wanted them all.
I didn't find a pink car, so purple will have to do:
It's a 10.1 megapixel Canon Digital Rebel XTi Digital SLR (plus a 4gig memory card!)
It was kind of on a whim, but not really because I'd been planning on buying it for a while. Circuit City had it on sale (well, the website had it listed for $65 less, but it was full price at the store - they sold it to me at the website price though) and had a 2-year warranty that covered accidental damage for $100 less than Ritz's (with a camera, I really wanted the protection if I drop it).
I stopped at Fry's first and was happy because they were the first store I had been to that actually had the cameras out and set up so you could use them. So, I finally got to check out what the camera actually was like to use. I took a few pics of signs, then looked around for something else and saw Scott in the same aisle as me. "Hmm", thought Val, "I should take a pic of Scott and see if he notices." So, I focus on Scott and take his picture. Scott looks up and thinks "why is this crazy person taking my picture? Wait, I know this crazy person." Hehe, Scott was also looking for a camera as his was stolen :(
Alas, Fry's camera was full price and their warranty didn't cover any accidental damage, so I did not buy it. Instead I went to Target and bought some blonde hair dye and a cute little sun dress. So, my hair is now blonde(r) and getting to the color I want for it to be and I am dressed as if it is 70 degrees warmer than it is (see pic above). But later I saw the deal on the Rebel at Circuit City and decided to go there and just go for it. By deal I mean I still spent more than anyone should ever spend on a camera, but I am in love with it and I don't care. :)
(in other news, I think I [finally after over a year] fixed the 'remember personal info' check box on the comments pages, so if you leave a comment, check it and hopefully it will save you from having to retype your name/email/website each time you comment)
My Phone: Ring Ring Matt: Hello. Me: Happy Birthday if it is your birthday. Matt: How sure are you that it's my birthday? Me: I dunno. Matt: Then I'm not telling you if it is or not... Me: :( (I actually made that face, but he couldn't see it over the phone)
...conversation continues in much the same way for half an hour...
But I was correct, and yesterday was his birthday.
So then at around 8:30 MK ims and totally interrupts my American Idol time to say that him and his more important friends are planning on going out and wanted to tell me in case I was interested. Then at 9 he tells me that people are coming over and I better get there quickly if I want to go with. So I hop in black pickle and book it at 70 miles an hour :)
We all (MK, Jen, Colin, JoeJoe, Hood, and me) then meet up at the Kerry Piper where much hilarity ensues. If I was not tired out of my mind right now I may be able to recollect more...Let's see...
Colin thought I was giving MK a condom for a present
I used the other warmer alone in the car with Joe
Apparently my choking while brushing my teeth is erotic
my nose is apparently cute when it crinkles
JoeJoe can't form sentences and drops ice on his crotch
I chug my beer for a minute and it doesn't go down at all
Jen likes it hard
I'll give you her number (about a thousand times)
MK weighs 800 pounds
I weigh 300
I have a salt shaker
MK hates me :(
After the bar we headed back to MKs for some Top Gear but mostly I just slept. Oh, and Matt brought me strawberry ice cream mmmmmm.I apparently laugh with my whole body (she doesn't have much to jiggle). More hilarity ensued...
and More pics ensued too...
MK likes to drink on his birthday:
Did you know that I'm going to marry this guy?:
Jen and Hood are having a torrid affair:
Matt and I fight to the death...since I am typing this, you know who won:
For trying to fool me into thinking it wasn't his b-day, I told him I'd post a naked pic of him online...
:)
So, you know those memory games online? The ones where each time you make a match it will reveal more and more of a picture until you see the whole thing? It's good to know the government computers in the world of 24 rely on that highly sophisticated computer technology :) Seriously, computer programs on television always make me laugh because they are always made to look so flashy when I am sure in real life anyone in that position is just looking at a black screen with a bunch of white 0s and 1s. My favorite are always those programs where with a click of the button it will shave off ten pounds or give them a nose job or something when that takes a ton of time and skill.
Anyways, end rant. 24 is getting really odd and complicated and makes me mad and sad and angry. I need to stick with American Idol :)
After 24 on Monday we watched a new Top Gear, which was pretty funny (except when they showed the huge crash one of them got in) and had JAMIE OLIVER as a guest. Have I ever mentioned here that I am sososo in love with Jamie Oliver??? I love him. I would marry him if he wasn't already married. I own a set of Jamie Oliver pots and pans too. He's so dreamy :)
I also determined that MattyK will get more business if he wears a monkey costume. I swear he would.
My sister officially set her wedding date during Sheboygan Brat Days. No Kobayashi for Val :(
I started mapping out where all the bestest Illinois sites are for a mini-road trip and figure we might be able to do a little loop around the state:
When it's warm, of course. Who's in?
I saw half of Cosi fan tutte today, but was late to the second half :(
I can't believe that for the third year in a row, I've gotten people to watch the Puppy Bowl! In conclusion, puppies are awesome and my friends are crazies.
The first 10 second of the Super Bowl were amazingly awesome. It only went down from there though. The Bears lost :(
I didn't even think the commercials were that good either. Bud Lite was pretty good but I wasn't really wowed by anything. I was highly disappointed in Coke who only showed commercials that have already been played. What's with that? You can view them all here and arrange as you choose. :)
Thank you JoeJoe for hosting a party. Even though you will never read this. You rock my socks off.
I made the most awesomest Super Bowl Cake Ever:
I also managed to find the pinkest Bears outfit ever (picture later if I can steal it), and made everyone try my hat:
Joe wouldn't let anyone in who wasn't wearing orange or blue, matt improvised:
My camera is faster than Matt's...maybe...
Despite the fact that we lost :( it was a fun night, hope we can do it again next year :)
Random Freak-out:
I nearly had a heart attack after looking at an email I sent to 10,000 people that said the last time the Bears went to the Super Bowl was 21 years ago...then I realized that yes, I am that old and am not 16 anymore.
Random Memory:
When I was in preschool we did a performance where all the girls sang the theme song to Jem and all the boys sang the Super Bowl Shuffle.
Random Commercial:
I think this is the first pregnancy test commercial ever that is geared towards men:
Random Night:
Olive Garden with the gang was tasty. The food, not the gang, although I am sure they are tasty too.
Random Ringing:
I finally found a ringtone of My Funny Valentine. So now for the first time ever my phone doesn't go Ring Ring. You should call me so I can hear it :)
Random Instructions:
An instruction sheet I found INSIDE THE DRAWER of a bedside table I bought:
It's a month in and I've done pathetically little on my list. It's OK though because most of the stuff will probably happen over the summer and I'm sure I can have some weekends where I knock off about 5 things :) The only thing totally checked off so far is number 44, thanks to Josh who brought me flowers for my birthday! I still will gladly accept flowers from any boy who wants to give them to me though :)
Valerie's 100 in 2007:
General
4. Pick a hair color and stick with it
--I've dyed my hair blonde, twice...but it won't cooporate
Movies
36. Watch all the 80s cartoons I have on dvd
--I've started season one of Fraggle Rock (not a cartoon cartoon, but it counts)
Pampering 44. Get flowers from a boy ;-)
--Thanks Josh!
Books:
51. Read ten Pulitzer Prize winning books (my goal is to eventually read them all)
--I read Middlesex
52. Read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genious
--halfway through
Writing:
54. Write a good draft of my memoir, 56. Write an article and send it out, 57. Finish a good essay and send it out, 58. Finish a good short story and send it out
--I've been writing a lot more :)
Web Design:
59. Learn google analytics
--I looked into it for work and installed it on my own, nothing too exciting but it will hopefully be cool for my work's website
62. Figure out what is wrong with the leave comments section on my website
--I spent some time with this one and am still hitting a wall
Life and professional:
67. Apply to do freelance editing
--I started drafting a letter to a publisher
71. Design a freelance website
--I started one for someone at work, but I am being really slow becasue I never feel like working when I get home
72. Learn to use my ipod and get all my music on it
--I've gotten some songs on it
Sports:
74. Learn to snowboard
--Not yet, but I learned to ski!
Food and Libations:
85. Bake once a month
--I baked Oatmeal Raisin and Chocolate Peanut Butter Surprise cookies in January
--I have already started on my first baking project for February
