Recently in boys Category

...thinks guys should not flirt with her if they have no interest in dating her.

...wants a 50D so so much. But doesn't know if she likes or dislikes that it's kind of dumbed down.

...shot a kick-ass "all white" party tonight at a fantastic restaurant:

Basically, my job is to take photos of the people there and take their names. Today I took a photo of a lovely couple and then asked the guy his name and how to spell it.
Man: Richard R-I-C-H-A-R-D
Val repeats and writes down.
Man: R-O-E-P-E-R
Val: E-P-E-R?
Man: Yes, that's Roeper
Val looks up. Oooooohhhhh.

A month or so ago I was talking to a friend who said to me, in so many words, "your blog is your passion." This hit me like a ton of bricks because, really, it seemed like something so trivial and so silly and so stupid to be passionate about. I mean, I know I write in my blog a lot and I probably post at least twice as much (if not ten times as much) as some of my friends, but to call it my passion? It seems so insignificant. Especially so when the person who said this is one of the most passionate people I know, who has so much drive and so much ambition and who is probably the one person on Earth who I wish more than anything would see me as someone amazing.

In truth, I don't think it's my blog that is my passion, but instead it's a medium to explore my other passions: writing, photography, web design and, most importantly, trying to live a life that's worthy of writing about. I started writing this thing just over two years ago (my first post was January 7, 2006). I had returned from a trip to California a few weeks earlier to visit Mat.

On this trip, he had told me that he loved me and for once I didn't actually believe it and for once I didn't actually say it back. He didn't say it at the right time and he didn't say it when I actually needed him to and I knew he had only said it because he wanted to sleep with me. I'm not saying I didn't sleep with him then, I'm just saying I knew it was a lie. When I came home he stopped returning my calls and started completely ignoring me. This was nothing strange for him as he'd often go through patches of not talking to me.

He had said something else to me, though, that effected me more than the fake declaration of love. He had said, in so many words, that I had no life and that I had no friends. And I couldn't argue back. I rarely went out, and when I say rarely I mean I sometimes went months without seeing a single friend (and often felt like I had no one at all) and my life basically consisted of watching TV and sleeping.

I wanted to prove to him that I did go out, that I did have friends, that I had a life, that I was an amazing person. I guess I kind of thought that if I could show him that I was social and that people liked being around me and that I did more than just sit around alone in my room, that maybe he'd actually mean it the next time he said he loved me.

So I started my blog. I had had a website for years that had dormantly taken up its space on the web and I'd had a livejournal which I posted in only a handful of times. I combined their forces but still realized that I needed to do something in order to fill the pages. I started being a bit more proactive. I started hanging out, for a while almost daily, with someone who'd I'd been kind of friends with for years but had never really hung out with. I got a passport and decided to accompany another friend to Europe. I more and more started to do the things I always wanted to do but never thought I could. More and more I wanted and needed to fill a pages and pages with stories and pictures of everything I did.

Did my blog become my passion? Maybe. But more so (and this may sound even more trite) it became my lifeline. I don't think I'd do half the stuff I do if I didn't have this tool to broadcast it to the world. It motivates me to want to do more to see more to experience more so that I can have something to write and so that I can take photos to share. I'm afraid that if I didn't have this blog I'd revert back to my old ways and that I'd be as depressed as I was and as sad as I was and as lonely as I was.

I know that I tend to post a lot. A lot. I hope I don't bother too many people with the fact that I blog nonstop about every intricacy of my life and will post anything short of what I had for breakfast each day (well, about 95% of the time that would be nothing anyways.) Truthfully, I now write this blog more for me than for anyone else and that as many people as do actually read this surprises me. This blog gives me the motivation to go out there and be the person I want to be, and compacted into 472 entries, my life over the last two years seems pretty damn amazing to me.

1. Please do not say that you're not really that picky about what you are looking for in a person you'd date when you do not want to date the person you are talking to.



2. Why does everything go wrong at 4:59? At approximately 4:59 on Monday our website crashed. Turned out to be a blown power circuit at the hosting facility. This meant I stayed at work until after six when it went back up. I actually don't mind the staying late...I honestly didn't want to leave if I knew there was a problem. That felt good to know I do care so much. What I hated was that I was helpless and couldn't do anything about it except to wait around for the design company to get it back up. I just hate feeling helpless.

On top of that my plane had landed late and so I didn't get to bed until 3am the night before, I forgot to bring my key/bathroom key so avoided coffee/coke/my intense caffeine addiction all day so as to not have to bother anyone for a bathroom key and be let back into the office, and when I finally broke down to get a Coke at 5:45, the machine ate my dollar. Needless to say I was tired and grumpy at this point.

During this time MattyK asked me to go get financial coffee, but I asked him if it would be OK to just go get friend coffee. I know he hates putting aside work time for play time, but I was in a bad mood and just wanted to chillax and talk. Luckily he agreed so we met at Starbucks. I showed him all my Vegas pics and he laughed at the pinkness of my computer (I'd forgotten that he's never actually seen it). It was a good night of just talking and drinking coffee because we haven't really just hung out together in a long long while now and I miss that. Hopefully he'll put aside some work time to chill with me more often :-)

An amusing quote from Matt: Maybe I'm vehicularly gay.



3. a 2am phone conversation
Him: Did you just call?
Me: Yes.
Him: Did you hang up on me?
Me: Yes.
Him: Wait, you know I answered and you hung up on me?
Me: I heard you answer but I was already in the process of closing the phone.
Him: And you didn't call me back?
Me: I didn't want to call you because I don't want to call you too much.
Him: Well, that is good. But this time you actually had something to talk about.



4. Last night I went out with Joshua to the gym. I wore a shirt that said "Official Fan of the World Hamburger Eating Championship" and watched food network (I did debate watching MTV's Return to Fat Camp though) while on the treadmill. I'm what you might call ironic.



5. Microsoft Word is weird. I did a spell check it decided that "Joe came..." was not correct and decided that maybe I meant "Joe camel..."



6. Blake Lewis's album is out! Dare I say that this will be the first American Idol CD I ever purchase??? Heather and I should have a dance party.



7. Humble Bob posted some of my pics. (see also: thoughts and pictures) He rocks!



8. Reason #5,689,890 that I should not be allowed to shop alone: Pink Illini Jersey! p.s. I also found the mecca for pink ties ;-) Just sayin.



9. Despite the fact that I already owned it on DVD from the first time it came out, I bought the new box set of My So Called Life because that show was so quintessentially me. Honestly I don't think I would have ever been so adamant about dying my hair if it wasn't for Angela Chase. But you know you're getting older when you feel more and more sorry for Brian Krakow. Honestly though, I am still searching for my Jordan Catalano.



10. I've posted a few entries over at Silly America. You should read them, and subscribe to the RSS feed!

1. I still haven't heard whether I have November 30 off of work...I do however have a plane ticket for that morning :-)

2. I am a sucker for guys in glasses. I am tracing this back to the fact that many guys will wear contacts during the day but then have on their glasses right before bed and in the morning, so it automatically gets your mind thinking about sleeping with him.

3. I am so incredibly screwed. But at least after this week I never will feel this way again :-)

4. I really need to stop working and start seeing operas.

1. He changed from single to in a relationship on myspace. :-(

2. If I had to go see a naked magic show, the least JoeJoe can do is go see an educational Australian nature program.

3. After spending the night with the travel channel as they profiled Fiordland followed by Anthony Bourdain boar hunting in New Zealand...I have decided that I am accompanying Joe and Alina on their honeymoon...

4. Does rare food (rare as in hard to find an expensive, not as in undercooked) taste so good because it tastes so good or because people are pretentious?

5. I stole this pic from Emily. I think it pretty much sums up the friendship between MK and me.

6. I thought my homework sucked, but for two of the four humor shorts I turned in, my professor said they were amongst the best in the class. (p.s. the other two sucked)... Since I probably will not do anything more with this one, thought I'd share:

In light of the positive responses Chicago has received to increasing the smoking ban to include public beaches and parks, government officials are now weighing other options for increasing the ban. The anticipated ideas include raising the laws banning smoking from within 15-feet of office buildings to 150 feet from offices and 1,050 feet from beaches, parks, gas stations, hotels, schools, and houses. Other suggestions include banning smoking altogether from churches, firehouses, gas stations, libraries, and any rooms with "room" in the title (bedrooms, living rooms, bathrooms, and dining rooms would be banned but basements, attics, kitchens, parlors would still be OK, as long as they are not within 1,050 feet of an entrance).

1. Only a couple hours after his death, I recieved this:

It's good to know the dead have their priorities straight.

2. I'm back to wanting to call you every night. I restrain.

3. I forgot the term "Sauté." It still doesn't sound right.

now we all know in Chicago, the fourth is truly clebrated on the third...

1. Lunch

top: Italian Breaded Steak Sandwich (Ricobene's), Irish Curry Fries (Abbey Pub), Gazpacho with Avocado and Chopped Chives (The Grill on the Alley)
Bottom: Cilantro Steak Empanada (Vermillion), Pound Cake Pop Drizzled with Fig Vodka Butter Syrup and Chocolate (Polo Café & Catering)

2. Dinner

Top: Potato Pancakes (Kasia's Deli), Cheese Pierogis (Kasia's Deli)
Middle: Italian Fries (Tutto Italiano), Beer-battered Artichoke Hearts (Bella Luna Café)
Bottom: Chocolate-covered Rice Krispie Treat (Chicago Chocolate Company), Sweet Potato Chips (B.J.'s Market and Bakery)

3. Fireworks

I met up with Jen and Rory and some other peeps and then later JoeJoe and Alina...and then later later with Nadia and Bryan because cell phones kind of stop working when you are jam-pack surrounded by a million or so people all trying to use their cell phone.
The fireworks were coolcoolcool, but shortshortshort as always. Once the fireworks started all the idiots next to us cleared out because they realized that they could not, in fact, see the fireworks through the giant tree they were sitting behind...then a bunch of bigger idiots saw the new clearing and decided to start forming a line IN FRONT OF US WHO HAD STAKED OUT GOOD SEAT HOURS AND HOURS BEFORE because they apparently thought that a million other people just didn't notice this big empty spot. People are morons sometimes. We started a mutiny by not letting them through and this chick next to us almost got in a fistfight with this guy after scooting up to sit right in his path and kicking him so he couldn't get through. :)
All in all though, it was quite fun.
And then came the trek through the city amongst the biggest cowd you'd ever see in your life. Luckily we didn't take the el anywhere since there were apparently problems that left people stranded on it for hours. eh.
Afterwords most everyone ditched us and the rest of us headed off to Clarke's.
And I explained my new boyfriend plan...which is the most brilliant plan I've ever come up with. :)

Today...in pictures

1. Went to the Taste for lunch with these people:

It takes 20 minutes to walk to Grant Park, and 20 minutes to walk back. Which leaves me with 20 minutes to chow down on:

Top: Fried Ravioli (don't know where that was from, Jen had it left over), Pomegranate BBQ Chicken (Pars Cove Persian Cuisine)
Bottom: Mango Cumin-Dusted Fries with Tamarind Chutney (Vermilion), Fresh Pineapple Seafood Salad (Grazie! Ristorante)

2. SummerDance to learn Salsa, Merengue, and Bachata

3. The Taste for Dinner :)

Top: Rum-battered Fried Tilapia Filet and Garlic-Mozzarella Cheese Bread (Polo Cafe & Catering)
Bottom: Mustard Fried Catfish (B.J.'s Market & Bakery), Strawberry and Mango Italian Ice (Mazzone's)

Yesterday...in not so many pictures

1. Went shopping in search of the perfect martini shaker. In the process I found for myself the perfect powder blue colander, or maybe three of them. I didn't buy them though...yet.

2. fucked it all up.

3. Called Mat back...three times. He didn't pick up.

4. Mat called me. I picked up...

1. I always knew he'd be the perfect boyfriend:

2. Wednesday I went for coffee with MK and his friend Dan, but I had a milkshake and it was damn yummy. We then went back to Matt's for Top Gear and I made him play the episode where they go to America and show how horrible of a country we are :) At one point they have a challenge to drive through Alabama without getting arrested or shot...and at the same time try to get the other guys arrested or shot...and they did so by painting things such as "Nascar Sucks" and "Vote for Hillary" and "Man Love Rules OK" on each others cars. Yeah...they were almost killed...
Since I had to follow MK and Dan back, they kept trying to throw me off by constantly switching lanes and turning on the turn signal and switching places with each other Chinese firedrill style. It was funny. :) And, since it was a *warm* 35 degrees I put down all my windows and sang because the shuffle Q101 was playing had a bunch of my fav sing at the top of my lungs songs (when's the last time I ever heard Little Black Backpack on the radio???)

3. Today my department had our Christmas party. Yup. We got some yummy tapas (I had some muchrooms stuffed with duck and topped with cheese amongst other dishes).

4. I am currently signed up for 2 classes next quarter and can't decide between them. Now, I could take both of them and be done with my masters by June...but I don't really want to devote that much time to class while working full time plus hopefully there will be something I really really want to take next quarter. My choice is between technical writing and text and image. I probably should take tech writing, but it meets on Mondays so I will no longer be able to attend any 24 things. But then again, text and image is on Wednesdays so I will be in class when they announce who gets kicked off of American Idol. Decisions, decisions... Opinions on what sounds better???

One of those nights where she has to pretend that she's sleeping under a blanket so no one can see that she's crying. Where she then sits outside in a cold car for ten minutes because she can't see and can't breath and doesn't want to be anywhere else. And she calls you, ten minutes later while she's banging her head against the steering wheel but can't talk because she wants to say so many things she can't. And she calls someone else because it's easier being treated like crap when you can blame it on alcoholism. And at least he doesn't answer but she hears his voice for the first time in seven months and it makes her feel worse. When she does finally leave she has to pull over several times on the drive because everything is a kaleidoscope through her tears. Driving is bad anyways because every time she is in the car she either wants to crash it or drive away and never turn back. And she feels so damned fucked-up worthless. And all she wants to do is go to sleep and never wake up.

And she hates every time you point out a girl you used to date or that you used to like because all you think is why am I not good enough. And she hates when you say that you'd never have a serious conversation online and if you had something to talk about you'd do it in person or call because you did all of your talking there and you broke up with her there and you never called her to talk. And she hates you for telling her that you liked her and wanted to date her and then later saying you never meant it. And she hates that you only want to see her when you're sleeping with her and if you're not she doesn't matter anymore. She hates that you never even talk to her anymore or ask if she's OK and you don't realize what it is that really hurts her. And she hates that you seem to want to spend all your time with someone else. And she hates herself for getting into it all and for not realizing that you never cared. And she hates herself so damned much. And all she wants to do is go to sleep and never wake up.