Friday
Friday I woke up sick. Actually, I woke up all night sick and needless to say that when my alarm clock went off at 6:45 I was feeling pretty damned crappy. It really felt like food poisoning. Not fun.
Unfortunately I knew I had a big email blast waiting to go at work and I didn't want us to have to put it off until Monday, so I got myself up and went off to work. Sick + train ride = very very nauseous val :-(
I spent most of the morning with my head on my desk waiting for our design company to fix something before I could send out my email. Finally at around 12 I finished up and left. Sick + second train ride = very very very nauseous Val.
I literally slept the rest of the day away, woke up around 7 feeling better. Watched the first disk of 24 season 4 (Netflix is raping me because I've been averaging watching 1 disc per month the last few months). And then went back to sleep.
Saturday
Luckily Saturday I woke up feeling much much better. So, what do you do the day after you've been out with food poisoning? Why, go drink some beer and watch people eat sandwiches of course!
There was an MLE (Major League Eating) event at the Taste of Lincoln Avenue, so of course I was there! I mean, I've driven half way across the country and flown even further to see people eat large quantities of food, I'm not going to miss one that's right in my back yard!
I managed to get Emily to say she'd go with me, so I called her up to see where and when she wanted to meet. Turns out the party she was at to watch the Cubs lose was about 3 feet from where the contest would be. So I met her and Julie and others there and grabbed some beer and chips. I actually was able to sucker a few of them into coming to the contest with me. If you're keeping track this was the fifth major league eating event that I've been to in the past year. If you're keeping track, that is.
I left a little earlier than everyone else to make sure I'd secure us some prime spots. Good thing, because by the time everyone else meandered out of the apartment, George Shea had already taken the stage and a pretty large crowd had formed.
Maybe it was the fact that everyone was already kind of tipsy, but we couldn't stop laughing as the players were announced. I just thought it was awesome that I was able to get others to enjoy my particular kind of crazy as everyone seemed to be enjoying it (well, except maybe Julie, who still thought it was all pretty disguising).
All the competitors were announced. I think my friends particularly burst out laughing at the "four horseman of the esophagus" line. Three of my favorite eaters were eating: Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, Tim "Gravy" Brown, and Pat "Does he have a nickname?" Vandam. Tim saw me from the stage and waved. :-) After the eaters took the stage the makers were announced and everyone took their positions. Unfortunately the makers were in the back, so you couldn't actually see them make sandwiches.
This contest was a little different than most. It was the Jimmy John's Freaky Fast Sandwich Making and Eating Contest. It pitted three sandwich makers against three MLE eaters. Could the eaters eat the sandwiches as fast as the makers could make them?
The countdown began and then the eaters were...well...forced to stand there and twiddle their thumbs while the sandwich makers got going. Finally a freshly wrapped sandwich was brought out and the Pats grabbed it and tore it in half. This event was different than most, it was all about teamwork. There were only two counters on stage: one for how many were made and one for how many were eaten. It would be a group total, so they were sharing sandwiches and helping each other out.
At first the eaters were doing pretty well and keeping a good pace, but slowly the sandwiches started piling up. I have to admit they looked pretty hard to eat. I mean, a hot dog is just a hot dog, these had thick bread and meat and probably vegetables and condiments. Pat Bertoletti said afterwards that he had one that was mostly sprouts and "how do you eat that?" Personally shredded lettuce makes me ill (seriously, I know it's a weird thing but I just can't eat it) so I wouldn't be able to eat one of those things (I like their slims...meat, bread, a packet of mayo, it's all you need in a sandwich), but add in all that lettuce and I'd have a reversal in a second.
Anyways, the sandwiches were coming out too fast. Tim threw one into the audience and my friends caught it and ate it. More came out, he threw a couple more but there was still a pile. Soon the clock wound down and their fate was sealed: the eaters lost. The Jimmy John's sandwich makers made too many sandwiches too quickly for the three to eat.
After the contest I said hi to Tim and to Pat and my friends bombarded him with questions. We went back and hung out at Jason's apartment, pondered temp tattoos at the fest (Em so needs to get either "Babe" or a Jesus Fish across her chest) and took pictures with Abe Lincoln.
as I was taking a picture: Honest Abe: Is that a Canon? Me: Yes. Honest Abe: Please don't point a cannon at me.
Later Julie and I headed to the lakefront for Venetian Night. Heather met up with us and we spent too short of a time watching decorated boats go by. Seriously, Venetian Night used to have way less of a crowd and way more boats. This time there was a huge crowd and hardly any boats.
My favorite was some yacht club boat that didn't decorate at all. The guy kept blowing the boat horn on it and all the old ladies on it quivered and covered their ears. It was kind of funny.
We stayed for fireworks then I headed with Heather to check out her swanky new place.
I was going to go out afterwards but I was still feeling kind of sick, so after two failed cab rides (seriously can cabs get you anywhere correctly?) I decided it was time to call it a night.
Sunday
While watching the original Parent Trap with Julie and Em we noticed that in the scene where they all go camping they bring along a couple of donkeys to carry all their shit around. I immediately texted JoeJoe and told him that he has to bring donkeys along when we go camping in a month. He texted back that I'll have to settle for ponies. There best be ponies.
1. Someone with a Wii needs to buy the competitive eating game so that I can play it. I'll even give you the $10.
2. I need to get a wii so I can play that and Mario Kart and Guitar Hero whenever I want. I won't any get better though. As soon as I buy one they will unveil Wii Pink.
3. Wii needs to invent a game called "Broadway Star" where you have to sing and dance to showtunes. I am the only one who would buy that.
***
Monday I had the day off because it made more sense to take off then that this Friday. I've found that more people notice that you are off on Mondays.
Monday MK was a demanding ass and MADE ME go buy him lunch and bring it to him.
Tim "Gravy" Brown (Professional Competitive Eater): Wait...you're...fans? Me and Nadia: Yes. Tim: That's weird.
I think we've proved time and again that I am one weird chica. I wouldn't even try to argue that one. But I think you know you have a problem when a COMPETITIVE EATER tells you that you're weird for being a fan of COMPETITIVE EATING...
***
So this weekend Nadia, Bryan, and I flew half way across the country to New York City to watch the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest.
I like to think of that plan as awesome and not weird, thank you very much.
Friday morning we arrived at Coney Island (not so) bright and early at 9am (we arrived in NYC on Thursday morning...I'll recap the rest of the trip later). Even though we got there three hours early there was already a big crowd and we weren't able to get a prime viewing spot. We waited around on the outskirts and got some Nathan's hot dogs and fries for breakfast. Soon enough they opened up another gate and we flooded in to try to get a better spot. Considering there were about 35,000 people there our spots were pretty good. But considering that there are a lot of tall people and people holding cameras in the air and people clapping thunder sticks it made it hard to see or get good pics. :( All I have to say is thank god for my 300 uberzoom lens. (And all I additionally have to say is I am sososo sorry to anyone who I may have accidentally hit in the head...numerous times...with my lens. It's really long and I don't notice what it's doing.)
We watched the countdown clock do its business and listened to the many opening acts. There were a few bands, performances by Mr. Badlands Booker himself (one of the competitors who recently found his way out of retirement), and some trampoliners.
Finally the competitors were announced and one by one took the stage. They came out in everything from the plain contest tee to purple jackets to a 007 tux to Cubs gear (stay tuned to later in the post where I yell at him for that one...) to almost nothing at all...
Takeru Kobayashi made his entrance decked in red and yellow dyed hair inspired by the famous condiments. I've been a CE fan for a while now and it's been a goal to see Koby live so it was reassuring and thrilling to see him walk across the stage.
Last to hit the stage was Joey Chestnut, the reigning champ who last year at this time pulled ahead of Kobayashi to steal the Mustard Yellow Belt. Really, as much as I'm a Pat Bertoletti fan and want to bring the belt to Chicago, it was guaranteed that this would be a fight to the end between Joey and Kobayashi.
After introducing them all they were all sent away. These were merely the intros for the crowd and they would later do it all over again for the camera.
In the mean time we had more entertainment...including a marriage proposal and surprise "wedding" on stage between two fans.
Finally, the clock started winding down and the ESPN broadcast began with some pre-taped footage. Then the competitors were announced and once again took the stage.
As the contest was about to begin they positioned "Frankster" the hot-dog mascot on one of the wings...who directly blocked the entire competition from our view. We all started chanting "Hot Dog Move" but the hot dog just thought we meant he should dance. Luckily someone got him out of our way just before the final ten-second countdown began.
And then they were off...the competitors crammed hot dogs into their mouths, dipped buns into water and koolaid, crammed particles of food into every crevice their mouth could hold. Joey and Kobayashi were dead center and despite surges of eating power from their surrounding competitors it soon started to be their game. At any moment it was hard to tell just who was in the lead and how many dogs had been eaten.
The ten minutes went by entirely too fast and in the end it was hard to tell just who won...and then they announced it...a tie.
Kobyashi and Chestnut both finished 59 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Crazy.
Since we can't leave the Fourth of July battle at a tie between America and Japan that could only mean one thing: overtime.
Each competitor had five hot dogs laid in front of them. The one who finished first would be declared the victor.
I couldn't see much of it, since there was a photographer in the way (hmmm...what do I have to do to be that guy next year...) but from what I gathered they both ate their five hot dogs pretty darn quickly, but Chestnut managed to once again declare victory by stuffing five hot dogs down his throat in 50 seconds and America was the champion.
It's hard to say how I feel. When you look at baseball I am not really a fan fan and even though I cheer on the Sox I don't usually (or at least only playfully) diss too much on the Cubs. But when the crosstown classic hits I am a diehard Sox fan through and through. But with eating I respect each eater individually, and while I have my favorites, I never really care too much as to who wins over the other. I think I was kind of hoping for a Koby win because it was always a goal of mine to see him compete in person and it may have made my life to see him win. But I am happy either way. As Marge Simpson says "Can't I just bet that all the horses will have a good time?"
***
After the contest we headed over the after party at this bar on the boardwalk.
Yes, I got myself invited to the after party.
Yes, I am a crazy fan/groupie...but that 's OK...
So, last year after the Square Off the pics I took got linked to from a few places so a bunch of people saw them. Imagine my complete and utter shock when an email arrived in my inbox from one Mr. Patrick Bertoletti (my fav eater because he's a Chicagoan AND has a mohawk). He saw my pics and wanted to respond. So before leaving for this contest I emailed him just to let him know I'd be going and he emailed me to let me know about the party.
So I talked to Pat a bit there, who, despite having eaten 38 hot dogs, said he was still hungry but saving room for beer.
At one point Rick The Manager came up and said to me "you look familiar." I said I'm sure we hadn't met but maybe he'd seen me at another contest. "What was your name again?" "Valerie." "Wait, did you take photos for Humble Bob? I looked at your whole website!" Crazyness. :-) Usually when I hear "you look familiar" it's because they for some reason think I am Kirsten Dunst (I still don't really see it). It's not often I get recognized for being me.
I decided to pick a fight with Tim "Gravy" Brown (another Chicago-based eater) because he had come out wearing a Cubs mask. Forget what I said earlier about not hating on the Cubs.
Me: What's with the Cubs Gear? Tim: I'm from Chicago! Me: So am I. Go White Sox!
I guess he can be forgiven since he said he's not really a fan of baseball. And because he said that if Nad and I found him a Sox mask that he'd wear that next time. I've also decided that Tim Brown is awesome because he is a big fan of Troll 2. And anyone who likes crappy movies because they are crappy movies is ace in my book.
I gave Tim one of my nifty new "business" cards (I had these Moo Cards made up after the last contest I went to because I thought it would look cooler that scrawling out my website for people to tell them where they could find all the pics I took) because I'd taken a bunch of photos of him at the qualifier. He didn't quite notice that I gave him one that had his picture on the back of it. Later he came up to me and said someone else pointed that out to him.
After a few beers and a bit of time hanging with the eaters we headed off and boarded the Subway back to Manhattan. It was a weird and wonderful and wacky day. But I can't think of a better way to celebrate the Fourth.
p.s. I tried my best to get good photos, but it was really hard because we were a bit further back and there were peoples ' heads/thundersticks in the way. :( So there aren't any really good close ups of food spraying from faces like I got at last year 's Krystals...
p.p.s. Speaking of Krystals, they announced that the date of this year 's contest will be September 28...I really want to make it, but the 27th is the Opening Night Gala and Opera Ball at Lyric...how stupid of a plan is it to hop in my car in my gown at midnight after the ball and drive the ten hours to Chattanooga? And what the hell happened to red eye flights?
Guy: So, are you the official photographer? Val: No, I'm just a big competitive eating fan. Guy: I'm not going to lie. That's kind of weird.
So, it's not that me being a little weird of a person is any big news to anyone. But, every once in a while you are confronted with a situation which may just illustrate how odd you are. And, well, when you are seemingly the only person to show up to watch a hot-dog eating contest that is not either related to or friends with a competitor, you may start to reevaluate your life choices...or you just realize that perhaps you are the most awesome person ever and just enjoy the day. I will go with the latter.
Saturday afternoon the Matteson Sam's Club hosted a hot-dog eating contest which served as one of the qualifying rounds for the big Fourth of July competition. It's not often that there is an official IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating) contest anywhere near Chicago, so when there is you know I'm there.
The way these qualifiers work is that there are usually one or two ranked or emerging competitors with the rest being locals who just want to try it out. While I was waiting I walked around for a bit to talk to some of the people because, hey, why not? No one had any clue how much they'd eat and I think everyone thought I was a reporter at first and then thought I was crazy when I said I was just a fan. Yes, yes, I think I am officially a groupie :)
The event started out with a "neat" eating contest for youngins where they each got a hot dog with ketchup and had to eat it without getting anything on them. Heck, I certainly can't do that. After that was the main event.
One by one the competitors took their places, prepared their drinks of choice, and were handed a plate full of hot dogs. In the middle, in the prime position, was Tim "Gravy" Brown, the number 13-ranked eater and obvious frontrunner. Next to him was a newcomer Patrick Vandam (another Pat!!!) who had only competed in 3 or 4 competitions thus far.
The countdown began and they were off. The two in the middle gobbled down while everyone else took their time. Actually, after a few minutes many of them kind of just stopped eating and started watching Pat and Tim battle it out. It was pretty fierce. Patrick began edging out Tim, being passed plate after plate of hot dog.
It wasn't the sheer speed or the commonly-used shaking technique that surprised me about this newcomer. It was his level of cleanliness. Seriously, I think he would have cleaned up (no pun intended) in that neat eating contest. I've met some of these eaters right after a competition before, and let me tell you, it's not always pretty. They usually are kind of sweaty and covered in water/juice/milk and have food particles all over. He had no crumbs. Almost nothing. It was pretty insane.
Anyways...as the final moments ticked down it was slightly unclear who would win. But in the end the upset was announced: Tim Brown with 28, Patrick Vandam with 31. Not bad not bad.
Everyone else I'd talked to said they'd eaten about 7. One guy said he had one. Then I went and got my picture taken with Pat. :)
It was a totally awesome contest. Nad, Bryan, and I are going to try to make it to Coney Island for the big one on the Fourth. I can't wait!!!
Time for an exam. Please leave your answers in the comments:
1. It was announced today that they are adding a qualifying round for the Nathan's contest in Chicago. I am definitely going. I am considering competing but I think I would rather be known in the competitive-eating circuit as the girl who takes kick-ass photos of the competitions than as the girl who ate three hot dogs and then threw up in a competition. Thoughts?
2. I will have 7 3-day weekends this summer. What should I do with them?
1. Laura Bush doesn't blink. This bothers me greatly.
2. AI spoiler: Carly is gone! A dreadlocked dude who sang Memory and didn't realize it was originally sung by a cat and a crying girl who screwed up her song, was the only person in the history of the show to ask to start over, and then still sang badly are BOTH SAFE. That results show totally redeemed the season.
3. I've been having oddish dreams lately. I think it has to do with sleeping pantsless with the windows open.
4. Speaking of odd dreams I had a dream last night that I went to Amsterdam and at the end of the week realized I had done nothing there, and then my plane home nearly crashed twice. Do you think that's a sign?
5. I went to Billy Goats for the first time ever (b/c they have cheese sammiches) and they had fries. I was disappointed in that.
9. Everything I touch turns to pink. I just looked at my earphone buds and they are now pink instead of the original white. For serious. (actually, this probably has more to do with the fact that they've been resting in a box of fruit tea...but I like my theory better :-) )
1. No one planned a trip to the auto show this year :-( I really wanted to go too because I wanted to see the new production Challenger because I really want one. This makes me sad.
2. This game will make my LIFE!!! Seriously, I plan on buying whatever game system it comes out for. It better be for Playstation so I can buy Guitar Hero as well :)
3. Netflix keeps recommending for me an instructional video on the kama sutra.
1. Please do not say that you're not really that picky about what you are looking for in a person you'd date when you do not want to date the person you are talking to.
2. Why does everything go wrong at 4:59? At approximately 4:59 on Monday our website crashed. Turned out to be a blown power circuit at the hosting facility. This meant I stayed at work until after six when it went back up. I actually don't mind the staying late...I honestly didn't want to leave if I knew there was a problem. That felt good to know I do care so much. What I hated was that I was helpless and couldn't do anything about it except to wait around for the design company to get it back up. I just hate feeling helpless.
On top of that my plane had landed late and so I didn't get to bed until 3am the night before, I forgot to bring my key/bathroom key so avoided coffee/coke/my intense caffeine addiction all day so as to not have to bother anyone for a bathroom key and be let back into the office, and when I finally broke down to get a Coke at 5:45, the machine ate my dollar. Needless to say I was tired and grumpy at this point.
During this time MattyK asked me to go get financial coffee, but I asked him if it would be OK to just go get friend coffee. I know he hates putting aside work time for play time, but I was in a bad mood and just wanted to chillax and talk. Luckily he agreed so we met at Starbucks. I showed him all my Vegas pics and he laughed at the pinkness of my computer (I'd forgotten that he's never actually seen it). It was a good night of just talking and drinking coffee because we haven't really just hung out together in a long long while now and I miss that. Hopefully he'll put aside some work time to chill with me more often :-)
An amusing quote from Matt: Maybe I'm vehicularly gay.
3. a 2am phone conversation
Him: Did you just call?
Me: Yes.
Him: Did you hang up on me?
Me: Yes.
Him: Wait, you know I answered and you hung up on me?
Me: I heard you answer but I was already in the process of closing the phone.
Him: And you didn't call me back?
Me: I didn't want to call you because I don't want to call you too much.
Him: Well, that is good. But this time you actually had something to talk about.
4. Last night I went out with Joshua to the gym. I wore a shirt that said "Official Fan of the World Hamburger Eating Championship" and watched food network (I did debate watching MTV's Return to Fat Camp though) while on the treadmill. I'm what you might call ironic.
5. Microsoft Word is weird. I did a spell check it decided that "Joe came..." was not correct and decided that maybe I meant "Joe camel..."
6. Blake Lewis's album is out! Dare I say that this will be the first American Idol CD I ever purchase??? Heather and I should have a dance party.
8. Reason #5,689,890 that I should not be allowed to shop alone: Pink Illini Jersey! p.s. I also found the mecca for pink ties ;-) Just sayin.
9. Despite the fact that I already owned it on DVD from the first time it came out, I bought the new box set of My So Called Life because that show was so quintessentially me. Honestly I don't think I would have ever been so adamant about dying my hair if it wasn't for Angela Chase. But you know you're getting older when you feel more and more sorry for Brian Krakow. Honestly though, I am still searching for my Jordan Catalano.
10. I've posted a few entries over at Silly America. You should read them, and subscribe to the RSS feed!
1. I am officially a master. OK, not officially because I still have to turn in two papers over the weekend and I still won't get my diploma until March because I am a slacker who missed the deadline. But I never have to go to school again! Joshua, who is apparently my only friend, met me at the wine bar to celebrate. I had lots of wine and raspberry beer. All you people who didn't come celebrate are bad people :( (insert valsadnoisehere)
My day at the Krystal Square Off.
a report by Val Bromann
Yes, we drove ten hours to Chattanooga and ten hours back to Chicago to watch people eat hamburgers for eight minutes.
Yes, we are weird and wacky and insane.
Yes, it was totally worth it!
The whole event started at noon with "Free Krystals, games, etc. etc." We had to check out of our hotel by 11 and had nowhere else to go, so we arrived around 11:30/11:45. We saw some people in Krystal Fan T-shirts so we went to scope out where we could get some. Nad and I bought red ringers that say "Official Fan of the World Hamburger Eating Championship." Bryan got a yellow one that said "Future Champion."
The T-shirt lady showed us where they'd be giving out free Krystals. We told her that we'd never had any before and then we'd driven the ten hours from Chicago just for the contest. She mentioned that she hated White Castles.
We went and stood in line for Krystals, where we started to determine that it seemed that we were the only people there who did not live within a 2-mile radius of the event. Are we really the only crazies in the world?
So we got our Krystals. A Krystal Lady came up and took my pic because I'd put on my t-shirt and had my burger. We told her our story about never having had a Krystal before and driving all that way. And she gave us free posters! Score! She then pointed us in the direction of the Krystal Confessional where Nad and I got a video taken of us trying our burgers for the first time (see previous entry)
Shortly after coming out, T-shirt lady came and tracked us down with another Krystal person. She asked us if we really drove all that way just for the competition. Yes, yes we did. We came, of course, to cheer on our hometown Deep Dish hero!
They kind of thought that was awesome...and then kind of gave us free V.I.P. passes. !?!?!?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?!
We were kind of totally shocked!
That basically meant that we got to go way up in front of the crowd and watch in the press area. SUPER AWESOME because that meant not only did we have great seats, but we didn't have to worry about trying to find and save seats at all!!! And we'd be right there in the action! And maybe even get drooled on or something!
Nadia and I were seriously the giddiest little clams you would ever see in your life. EVER!
We wandered about collecting more awesome Krystal stuff. We got a free t-shirt, thunder sticks and pompoms! We watched the competitors being brought in convertibles (except for Sonya...how did she not get a convertible??) And then stood in line to get autographs but were only able to maddeningly score Joeys.
We went and tracked down the woman who gave us the passes and she let us through the ropes and told us where to go...which ended up being just us and the press. Seriously, I don't think any of the other VIPs knew that they could come around and stand right up front...
First were the bunnettes, then the amateur competition, then the National Anthem...and then...the MAIN EVENT (only slightly delayed due to live bowling coverage...)
All the competitors were introduced...then they were off! And my oh my can they eat!!!! and eat. and eat. Actually eat is the wrong word. Consume? Devour? Absorb? Ingurgitate?
It really was the Joey, Pat, Bob show..."Humble" Bob Shoudt was mighty impressive at chowing down burgers...especially for a vegetarian
:-)
And Joey "Jaws" Chestnut was...amazing! Seriously! I don't know where all that food goes! And then...and then...in a history making, record-shattering moment...he hit 100!!!! 100 burgers in less than eight minutes!!! Holy processed cow meat!
The Krystal Square Off was an absolutely amazing battle and ended with Joey "Jaws" Chestnut in first (103 Krystals), "Humble" Bob Shoudt in second (95 Krystals), and "Deep Dish" Pat Bertoletti in third (94 Krystals). And I can't even begin to describe how defeated Pat looked (especially since just a few weeks ago he defeated both Joey and the great Tsunami Kobayashi at Chicken Wings).
:-(
It was an amazingly awesome contest. Those eight minutes were completely worth 20 hours in the car...
Afterwards we hung around and got pics with a couple of the eaters, including Mr. Joey Chestnut himself.
Then we went and got a picture with Pat. He asked if we'd met before and said he knew he'd seen me before. (he most likely remembers seeing our crazy selves at the Jalapeno eating contest, although we were too chicken to go up to him there). :-) He also asked "You didn't come here just to see me, did you?" "[yescauseyourehot] nono, for the whole event!"
Truth be told, the original mission of the trip was to see Kobayashi in action. But alas his jaw injury had kept him away :( Ohwellz. I am so happy that we went anyways!!!
So we let Pat go because he had to catch a plane to Chicago and we had to drive to Chicago.
And then we drove to Chicago.
And that is a very long drive. (but did I mention that it was totally worth it?)
I woke up at 5am on Saturday morning surprisingly awake. I think it was kind of like when you're a kid how you can wake up on Christmas morning before anyone else and be completely ready to go. Except instead of waiting for Santa Claus I was waiting for Joey Chestnut and Pat Bertoletti. I showered and packed up my car then went to pick up Nadia and Bryan.
Before 7am we were already on the road to Chattanooga for the Krystal Square Off, the only Major League Eating sanctioned hamburger contest, and one of their top two competitions. The Square Off is held in Chattanooga, Tennessee, 600 miles away and a nine and a half hour drive.
The drive was boring and fun and beautiful and crazy all at the same time. The road signs wanted us to play pong but we determined that may be a bad idea. We also determined that there has to be some sort of street called neutralville between the neighboring towns of brownsburg and whitestown.
At about one or so we made it to our first destination: Cave City, Kentucky. Cave City is an anomaly of a town that is basically my idea of heaven. Our first stop int he town was Big Mike's Rock and Gift Shop and Mystery House. We wandered the gift shop for a bit and then purchased our $1.06 admission for the guided tour of the mystery house...
The first room we went to was full of posters. You know the things: the sentence that has an extra "the" that you completely ignore, the drawing of the two hands drawing each other, the staircases that you can't tell which way was up, etc. etc. Pretty basic everyone's seen it stuff...
The next room was blacklight posters. A room filled with blacklight posters. That was all. They glowed. It was psychedelic or something.
And then on to the good stuff...
The next room was freaky deeky awesome. There was a water fountain and the stream of water ran UPWARDS. And there were pool balls on a ledge that fell UPWARDS and stayed there. And there was a chair that balanced on the wall and I sat on it and was like floating. And the whole room felt like I was going to topple over because it was on weird gravity-defying angles. It was hard to even stand in there!
The next room had a little house thingy and when we went in depending on where you stood you looked either really short or really tall. And then there was a ledge that looked like it was completely on an angle, but in reality was the only thing that was perfectly straight across so when you stood on it you felt completely in balance even though it looked lopsided and you were toppling over everywhere else.
Then it was on through a hall of portraits...those things that look normal at first but then change to look all freaky when you pass...and that was that. The most awesomest Mystery House ever! Totally worth the buck admission. We tipped an extra buck to our fourteen year old tour guide Alex and headed on our way.
We were going to go to the old decrepit wax museum...but it was closed...perhaps permanently :(
We passed by the KY action park (mmmhmmm) but did not go...
We stopped at Dinosaur World, which is kind of a park like Jurassic Park but I don't think the donos are real. We didn't feel like paying the $10 admission though...
Then we stopped by Wigwam Village. It's a motel...where all of the rooms are wigwams. Seriously, these babies have real beds and cable TV and everything. And are shaped like wigwams. I am so making JoeJoe take us canoeing or something around here sometime so we can stay in these :)
Then after it was a quick bite to eat and we headed off to Tennessee, Georgia, Tennessee (silly directions)...
The views through Tennessee are awesome...but we especially loved the runaway truck ramps going up the mountains...
By about seven we made it to Chattanooga and our wonderful Days Inn! Ideally we would have stayed across the street at the Sheraton (they sponsored the Krystal Square Off and so we assumed they hosted all fo the eaters there) but in the interest of saving $100 we opted for cheap motel. Once there we basically passed out for a bit watching a crappy movie. Then we walked a couple of blocks to Sticky Fingers BBQ for dinner. The food there was amazing. I got a pulled pork/half slab combo with Tennessee whiskey bbq sauce. The meat completely just fell of the bone. I picked it up an the bone was completely dry. And it wasn't fatty at all. That's a rib!
We were thinking of doing something afterwards but we were all pretty much exhausted so we went back and called it a night. Needed to rest up for the Krystal Square Off and the long, long drive home...
1. Sometimes you tell someone that you drove ten hours to see the hamburger contest. And then sometimes that person finds someone else who gets you VIP passes to go stand all the way up in front with the press.
2. Sometimes records are broken.
3. Sometimes your favorite eater kind of remembers seeing you before :)
4. Sometimes you seriously have what may be the best roadtrip ever. :)
Recap, pictures, etc. to come later.
For now, it's 2am and I just got home after driving the entire 10+ hours (damn constuction) from Chattanooga...zzzzzzzzzzzzz
When you hear the whistle blowin' eight to the bar
Then you know that Tennessee is not very far
Shovel all the coal in
Gotta keep it rollin'
Woo, woo, Chattanooga there you are
So Chattanooga choo choo
Won't you choo-choo me home?
Chattanooga choo choo
Won't you choo-choo me home?
Yup, I'm in Chattanooga! But I doubt I'll see much of it :) Driving 10 hours Saturday to get there...watching an eight-minute hamburger-eating contest on Sunday...driving ten hours back :) but it's so worth it!!!
Watch the Krystal Square off on ESPN at 1:30pm central on Sunday!!!
1. I will give a cookie to anyone who can guess how many versions of My Funny Valentine I have playing on repeat on my iTunes right now.
2. Kobayashi backed out of the Krystal Square Off. We are now driving 20 hours in less than 48 hours in order to see a bunch of white guys eat burgers. It also means I can't cross off "see Kobayashi" from my list. :(
3. I had lunch with Walter. he now knows who I am. He also thinks I am nuts because of my stand on shredded lettuce.
4. I don't know which I find crazier: John calling me a stripper or JoeJoe calling me Valerie. All I know is that if I'm going to be a stripper my flight, hotel room, and a $60 Kobe and foie gras burger better be comped :)
1. Some days you just don't feel like doing anything but getting in your car, grabbing some Starbucks, and driving around with all your windows down. Sometimes it is the only thing that makes your head feel right. And sometimes the weather is the absolute perfect weather for it.
2. So, The Krystal Square Off will not be the first battle of Joey against Kobayashi since the stunning upset at Coney Island...Next Tuesday they will be facing off in a wing battle in Vegas...the pathetic thing is that if it weren't for me bailing on class tonight and for the $400 the ticket would cost, I so was considering going :(
THE GOOD NEWS:
I am going to Chattanooga for the Krystal Square Off!!!
THE BAD NEWS:
Getting back from Chattanooga involves driving 10 hours all through the night and going straight to work in the morning.
THE GOOD NEWS:
Getting to Chattanooga involves stopping at some fun road side pit stops.
THE BAD NEWS:
I was so swamped at work today that I didn't get to go see La traviata. Hopefully I will be free enough to go watch La Boheme.
THE GOOD NEWS:
Since I do all of my work on a computer I can at least do some of the stuff at home.
THE BAD NEWS:
Since I do all of my work on a computer I can at least do some of the stuff at home.
THE GOOD NEWS:
They posted the winter and spring schedules for school and there is nothing I really would want to take. So I will totally be done with school in Novemember!
La Costeña "Feel the Heat" Jalapeño Eating Challenge
Amazingly, Nadia had this Sunday off. Also amazingly, we have the same stupid sense of what is fun in life. So, we took off to celebrate her independence (because she is Mexican) at the "Feel the Heat" Jalapeño Eating Challenge at some park I can't pronounce in some area of the city.
We totally proved our giddy twelve-year-old fangirl status by bypassing the alcohol and food and music and staking out the eating contest way early and giggling an awful lot and following around contestants (but mostly because we figured that they would be going to the right place).
While waiting at the La Costeña booth Nad says "Just look for the mohawk!" and then not 2 seconds later we look up and, low and behold, Pat Bertoletti is heading our way...and then he stands RIGHT NEXT TO ME before seeing the people he was looking for. Did I mention he stood RIGHT NEXT TO ME? Did I also mention that I am a dork and can't believe that I got this excited about competitive eating??? And the eaters????
So once his crew takes off we follow them, because we assume they know where they are going. And then we held our position right in the front of the "crowd" (AKA, we were the only ones there besides, who we guessed were, Pat's family and friends...) And then we probably made fools of ourselves by giggling and staring and they probably totally knew that we were giggling and staring...but whatever.
Oh! And Pat was totally drinking straight from a bottle of Pepto-Bismol while hanging out. And that was kind of awesome.
Once the competition was about to begin (it started late, I heard later that some of the contestants had a hard time finding the place...it WAS hard to find) a crowd started to gather.
And then it was time to begin!
Ryan Nerz came out to do brief bio-interviews with some of the eaters...and boy did they come out!! (who knew that so many people would want to shove themselves full of jalapeños?!?!?! )
The lineup included Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, Rich "The Locust" LeFevre, Hall "Hoover" Hunt, and Erik The Red Denmark...just to name a few.
Pat downed chocolate milk while being introduced, which is awesome, because you know I always think the best plan of attack to being able to eat a lot is to fill up your stomach beforehand...right?
Then everyone was introduced and the countdown began (in both English and Spanish)...5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
And they were off, within seconds pepper upon pepper (and plenty of milk) were being consumed...
And after a couple of minutes a couple of them totally looked like they were going to have a reversal of fortune (or at least like they had rabies).
And then after six-and-a-half minutes of the eight minute competition...THEY RAN OUT OF PEPPERS!!!!
WHAT THE HELL???
So...they had to cut the contest short. Which kind of bites (no pun intended) because as in any competition there is strategy, and to change the rules in the middle kind of muck things up.
But anyways...
We waited and waited with anticipation as the number of peppers consumed by each contestant was tallied up.
And then...the winners were announced for the truncated six and a half minute competition (It was supposed to be eight)...
In Fourth Place: Hall "The Hoover" Hunt (110):
In Third Place: Rich "The Locust" LeFevre (120):
In Second Place: Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas (141):
And...
In First Place...
Our Hometown Hero...
PAT BERTOLETTI!!!! (191)
Who is now, officially, the jalapeño-eating champion of the world!!!
Woohoo!!!
So, it was a totally awesome experience, and my first MLE event I watched live. I didn't get to meet any of them because I was too chicken and shy to go up beforehand, and then afterwards no one came out right away and we didn't want to wait too long.
But did I mention that it was totally, 100%, completely, amazingly awesome?
Renegade Craft Fair
After the contest (and a run...OK...slow long powerwalk to Babies-R-Us) we dropped off Bryan (I don't think I ever mentioned that Bryan came with us...eh, he's not important) and then headed off to Do-Division Festival and Renegade Craft Fair.
So, the do-division festival was kind of very lame. There was some not-completely terrible band with no one watching them on one end, and some god-awful techno crap on the other, and a couple of generic food stands and merch tents in between.
We got some food (I had some fried raviolis and a lemonade) then headed on to Renegade.
The Renegade Craft Fair was totally cool, and I don't think I've ever used the terms "kind of awesome" and "totally cute" so much as I did there.
Basically it's a more modern craft fair...you know, no doilies or anything like that, but IPod covers and two-headed sock monkeys instead.
My only gripe is that we got there at around 8ish and they closed at 10, but a bunch of people were already packed up and gone, or were in the process of packing up. Lame.
I somehow managed to take 215 pictures of a six-and-a-half minute competition...so you'll have to stay tuned for pics/recap of my day...But for now, all I have to say is that this guy rocks:
and I could never come close to eating 190 jalapeños...hell, I don't think I could eat ONE!!!
Every time Rob starts a fantasy baseball team he posts all of their pics in his blog. I am following suit. Here is my 2007 Fantasy Competitive Eating Team!!! (yes, they have a fantasy competitive eating league...and yes I found four other people to join with me! I love my friends!!!)
Joey Chestnut
Currently the number one ranked competitive eater, having beaten Kobayashi on the Fourth of July hot dog competition. Also kind of cute :)
Bob Shoudt
#7 ranked eater. He is a vegetarian and will only eat meat in sanctioned competitions.
Dale Boone
#16 ranked competitive eater...maybe. Looks like he may have left ifoce, which means I am totally screwed on this pic. Damnit! Time to trade for whatever is left. Claims to be a direct descendent of Daniel Boone. (fuck it, I dropped him for Pat Bruss...but I can't find any pics of him, so Dale will stay here...hopefully Joey will do so well that he will make up for it...).
Hall Hunt
#9 ranked competitive eater. He's eaten 20 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 min. and 33 Krystals in 8 minutes.
Juliet Lee
#10 ranked competitive eater. One of very few women in competitive eating, and Juliet has been coming on strong!
Jason Erb
#34 ranked competitive eater. I don't remember why I picked this dude. I think it is because he's been competing lately so I figured I figured that he'd at least compete at a qualifier.
Russ Keeler
#20 ranked competitive eater. At this point it was just looking for whoever had the highest rank :)
1. Scott had to explain to me why this wasn't a win. :(
I will never ever win a game of chess. Of course, it might help if I knew how the pieces moved. And maybe if I didn't cry when my ponies are eaten by the other team :(
I am proud of my draw :)
2. Well, Rich said I should apply to be on the Bachelor, and...well...he was the only one to vote on one of the shows I put up :( Although Chris emailed me with this one: The Search for the Next Elvira and I think I will apply for that too!! Oh! And look what may be coming to America! Count me in on that one!
3. Kobayashi has jaw-arthritis!!!! OHNO!!!! But he's still gonna compete on the fourth! This is going to be one monster showdown!
3. After the power outage... Mom: The computer is broken. Me: No, it is turned off.
4. My dad is back from the hospital...which is kind of odd since it's been three days since his surgery...and they originally said it would be five days in the hospital and then five days in a recovery center. Eh.
5. ValCap So You Think You Can Dance
ummm...i dunno...I don't really remember it
On The Lot
This is so horribly bad. Last week it was interesting but now they switched to an American-Idol rip off show. You know how on the American Idol results show it's an hour of worthless filler? Of course you didn't because you don't watch American Idol, but it is. On On The Lot, they did one worse, and hour long results show with NO FILLER. Nothing. They kicked three people off in an hour and that was it. It was the most worthless crap of TV ever. And the host is a moron who mispronounces every other word including "Carrie Fisher." And the movies sucked. Ohman, this is going to be a long summer. The network got smart and cut the damn show to once a week.
The Next Best Thing
haha, so, you know reality TV is going down the drain when even Val looks at the TV Guide and says "God, I have no desire to watch a bunch of celebrity impersonators."
Pirate Master
This show was something awful. Mostly because these people will never be considered pirates. First of all, the host totally needed to be like Captain Hook, not some washed up (not a pun) old actor. Second they allowed women on the show. Women aint pirates, they should have their own show: Ship Wench Master. Third, when they had to dive into the water, some of them were wearing goggles. Pirates don't wear goggles. Fourth, there's a district attorney who is keeping that a secret because for some reason she thinks it is an advantage. Fifth, this one dude kept saying that they couldn't vote him off because he was the only one who had a compass. Then they kicked him off. And they let him leave with his damned compass! A real pirate would have stolen it. Sixth, they didn't make the loser walk the plank.
National Spelling Bee
Seriously, the National Spelling Bee is the best couple of hours on television each year. Some highlights and lowlights:
- Samir got cut early! Resulting conversation with Joe: Val: !!! Samir didn't even make the finals!!!! JoeJoe: boo hoo Val: its like if Mark Buehrle was cut from the team Val: and i say that because i went to the white sox website and that name was the first one i saw JoeJoe: ha - for a moment i was impressed Val: :-)
- The Canadians spell words with a "zed"
- man: your word is "Punaise" it's another word for a bedbug kid: "I like bedbug better"
- One of the kids so had a moustache
- For a second year in a row, it came down to an American and a Canadian. Who let Canadians into the National Spelling Bee?
- Congratulation Evan O'Dorney - keeping it in America!
Val:: what horror films have taught me is that the way to find a man to fall in love with is to go to a party with a bunch of friends, and then have all of them die but me and that guy and then we fall in love over the process of trying to survive together Val:: you're never going to invite me to a party again, are you? :-( JoeJoe:: well ... the deal seems to be that everyone would die but me JoeJoe:: depending on who i invite, this could go ok Val:: so then alina dies, the two of us are fine and we fall in love? JoeJoe:: fat chance i'd invite her Val:: :-(
* * *
Val:: i am applying to be a bunette Sid:: better get good letters of recommendation Val:: you can attest for me Val:: basically a bunettes are the girls who hold up the signs saying how much was eaten at eating contests :-) Sid:: ooooh, bunette Sid:: i read brunette Sid:: and thought you were talking about dyeing your hair Val:: haha, nono Val:: i do not need to apply for that Val:: and i am sticking with blonde Sid:: fair enough Val:: i can't believe i am actually applying for this Val:: i have to send in my photo Sid:: better ho it up for the photo Val:: haha, i tried Val:: but then i cut out my chest from the photo Sid:: why? Sid:: that's like taking a vow of silence before a job interview Val:: hahaha Val:: i figure a pic of my chest could only hrt me Sid:: now they'll know you're up to something though
1. Thursday we had out end of season party at work. It was really fun and the food looked great but I didn't get to eat much because it's pretty hard to eat with a plate of food in one hand, a drink in the other, only a fork with no knife, and no where to sit. :) One of the actors was kind of following me around trying to get me to go drink some wine with him. It was kind of creepy so luckily I found some people to talk to.
2. My life is pretty damned boring right now. I need friends.
3. I found out one of the girls on the Apprentice (the girl who'd having the little love affair for those who watch it) is the daughter of someone I used to work with.
4. I am so bored.
5. survey stolen from everyone
The Everything Test
There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.
Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)
Personality
You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.
As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), adventurous (90%), romantic (71%), greedy (64%).
Stereotypes
Prep
92%
Young Professional
82%
Punk Rock
80%
Life Experience
Sex
23%
Substances
11%
Travel
25%
Politics Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 41% of the time.
Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 16% less than the U.S. average.
If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 48%, hotter than 68% of other test takers.
...it's good to know that i'm more adventurious than adventurous.
6. boredboredbored
7. I told Scott I was bored. He told me to do something like jump out a window. I said I could tap dance naked and he told me I should. So I did. Let me tell you, tap dancing on carpet isn't that exciting. :(
3. My other two worlds collide: Spike TV to telecast 4 competitive eating programs this year. (what I find funniest is that everyone's first reaction to me showing them that link is 'there's a website for competitive eating news?'" - yes there is, and I read it regularly)
4. Is it a bad sign that I only realized Lent was upon us by the amount of fish sandwich commercials I've been seeing?
5. My thoughts on Britney. Now, I never particularly liked Miss Spears, but at least at one point she looked like she could have a long future of fame and stardom based, if nothing else, on her looks and sex appeal. At one point though, something happened and she reverted to some white trash backtracking and seemed to be spiraling downwards from there. For those living in a cave, the weekend Britney shaved off all of her hair. I like celebrity gossip the way I like my TV, horribly bad...Personally I don't even get how someone shaving their head has made news for days in a row. I for one completely understand that desire, as I often feel like taking a razor to my scalp when my hair seems like it will never be as nice as I know it could be (but then I come to my senses and realize that I don't want to be bald). There is one thing, though, that really irks me about this story. After shaving her head, Brit went and got herself some tattoos. While I have not seen pictures of them, the description sounds like horrible cheesy straight-off-the-wall flash. Despite the fact that that is bothersome in itself, it is not the point that I am troubled over. In each article I've seen, the tattoo-shop employees are quoted as saying that she looked agitated, distraught, disengaged. That she seemed out of it. My beef with this is that no reputable studio would tattoo someone in that condition. Tattoos are permanent (I guess though that she has enough money to have them removed...). A reputable shop should turn away business to someone who doesn't seem like they are in a coherent state of mind. Heck, even the hair stylist wouldn't touch her locks, and hair grows back (trust me). And that is my celebrity rant of the day.
6. 5 hours of American Idol this week. Heaven or hell?
