Oh have you seen the muffler man,
The muffler man, the muffler man?
Oh have you seen the muffler man,
Standing in the rain?
Oh yes I´ve seen the muffler man,
The muffler man, the muffler man!
Oh yes I´ve seen the muffin man,
Standing in the rain!

***

Sunday Em and I took a road trip. OK, so I am not sure if it really counts as a road trip if the whole thing takes less than twelve hours and you go no further than 45 miles away from home...but it was a damn fun time and we saw many Chicagoland wonders...

Mr. Bendo
I picked up Emily around 10 and we wound our way around Chicago to find our first destination. It's good to know that I am not the only one who reads Google Maps maps completely wrong and get confused. Our first stop was about a mile west of Humboldt Park on Grand and Pulaski: Mr. Bendo. This trip was all about the Muffler Man as we saw a few of these babies. This one was curious to me because his one arm was down instead of both being (as tradition dictates) out in front.

Giant Wagon
We then took off down Grand further into Elmwood Park to find the Radio Flyer Factory and a frickin huge wagon! It was huge! Being Sunday it was, unfortunately, closed and gated off, but we parked in the strip mall across the street to take pics.

Leaning Tower of Niles
Then it was on to Italy...errr...I mean Niles...for the Leaning Tower of Niles! This replica of Italy's Leaning Tower of Pisa is roughly half-sized (94 feet vs. 177 feet) and leans about 7'4" off plum (Pisa has a 15 foot tilt) and sits in front of a YMCA. Being holiday season the tower was decked out for Christmas in garland and bows. Purdy. Considering I was too food poisoned to want to take a train ride to the real thing last summer, this made a nice substitution.

Lincoln on a bench :(
This bench unfortunately doesn't exist. We found the place it was supposed to be but the Mr. Lincoln was not there.

Trout Fisherman
Somehow Abraham was MIA but a random fisherman statue in the overgrown woods does??? Of all the things I didn't expect to find, this was it. This large statue was left over from an old mini golf course that used to be on the property. Now they are building condos around it, so who knows if it will still be there for long...but it looks pretty safe and sound for now!

Wadlow's Shoe?
Square Deal Shoe Store in Des Plaines supposedly has a pair of Robert Wadlow's shoes on display...If you remember the Illinois road trip, you will remember that we saw a Wadlow statue and that he was the world's tallest man. You know what they say about the feet on a world's tallest man...The shoe store was closed but they had a giant shoe in the window. It looked a little new to be Wadlow's though, but I am not sure...we will return to investigate some other time.

McDonald's Museum and Store No. 1
Des Plaines is also home to the first McDonald's! While the restaurant no longer sells food, it's been restored to its original glory and houses a museum...which, unfortunately, is only open during the summer :-( We forwent eating at the working regular ole McDonald's across the street and instead ate at...

Choo Choo Restaurant
The choo choo is a tiny little diner. What makes this stop road trip worthy? Going through the kitchen and all around the counter is a toy choo choo train that delivers your food. How rocking is that? Em and I secured spots right at the counter so we could watch it in action. They had a really yummy chocolate shake and a good cheeseburger. And a train! And I even saw the train almost catch fire once! Awesome.

Muffler Man :(
Apparently in Mount Prospect about seven years ago there was a muffler man. Apparently it no longer exists.:-(

Shoe Tree
A couple pairs of shoes does not a shoe tree make. We drove down a long road in Highland Park in search of a shoe tree (a tree that is covered in hanging pairs of shoes. Emily finally spotted it and said that it only had a couple pairs on it. Since there was a car tailing me, we decided to press on.

Ferris Bueller Garage
Does this garage look familiar?

If you have ever seen a small independent art film called " Ferris Bueller's Day Off " it should. This is the garage where they kept and crashed the fancy car. It is on someone's house in Highland Park. Because it is November and there are no leaves it made it easy to see. Finally, one point for the chosen day!

Muffler Man and Bessie the Cow
Another muffler man AND a cow statue! This one is at Lamb's Farm in Libertyville. This is actually outside of the place we buy our devil dogs from. We were a little confusled at first because we say the cow, but not the muffler man. Turns out that the cow is even bigger than the man. We didn't get too close because they were kind of closed. But I'm sure I will return some day.

Big Man with house :(
Who'd have thought with three year old directions that said "on Grand Avenue in Gurnee" that you wouldn't be able to find a giant man holding a house...

Golden Pyramid House
"The largest 24-karat gold-plated object ever created" is the private home of a rich Armenian garage builder and his family. Seriously, this is someone's house. And right next to it on either side are normal looking houses. The place looks kind of run down and like it is maybe under construction...I don't know when it was built, but I know it was a while ago. It also started snowing while we were here. Who expects there to be snow when visiting the pyramids?

30-ft Tall Cigar Store Indian
After the Pyramid we hopped on the highway back to pick up MattyK (who had finally finished working...seriously, that boy needs to stop spending all his damn time working and start spending more time with me...I am way more fun and interesting than finances) and see a few more sights closer to the city. We waited as he changed out of his suit then hopped back in the car for more adventure. The next stop was a big ole Cigar Store Indian in Oak Lawn.

Muffler Man - Bunyan
This muffler man in Evergreen Park was very very shiny. That is because he was painted in Du Pont Chroma base auto paint after having a weather-related accident.

63rd Street Indian
Imagine the scene: you are on the south side of Chicago...in the lane going straight...look up...notice that the Indian you are looking for is on that corner...so you slide into the turn lane...end up turning as it's going to red...pull over into an unpaid metered space, partially in a tow zone...get out to snap a bunch of pics...and then notice the cop car on the corner who then turns and slows down next to your car...as MK put it "they just gave me a look like I'm the guy forced to hold his girlfriends purse and smiled like they understood." hehe. Anyways. So this Indian was creepy. Mostly because he had big white eyes that made him look blind...all while advertising a vision correction center :-)

Large Kielbasa Sandwich
This was just a Kielbasa on a fast food sign. Not too exciting because it is neither freakishly large nor edible. Next.

The Spindle
I've seen the Spindle a million and a half times but MK has never seen it (how can a guy so obsessed with cars never have seen this???). Plus they are trying to take it away from me and build a Walgreens which is just blasphemous, so I try to go and pay my respects as often as possible.
The Spindle is probably better known as "cars on a spike" or the "car-ca-bob". It's at Cermak Plaza in Berwyn and had a starring role in the movie Wayne's World. It also rocks. I will miss the Spindle terribly when it is gone. At least I got to share in someone else experiencing its wonder for the first time (and got him to agree to go back during the day some time...you are going back damnit!). :-)

Piece
For dinner we headed back to the city for pizza at Piece. MattyK wanted a boring ole mozzarella, tomato sauce, and sausage pizza...But then the rest of us ate a pizza topped with olive oil, garlic, mozzarella, mashed potatoes, and bacon. Yes, a mashed potato pizza! Brilliant and yummy and I think it was a perfectly fitting food to cap off the day.

MORE PICTURES HERE!

Posted by valry at 7:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Things I learned last weekend...
...exit numbers correspond to mile markers (who knew!)
......google maps does not know the difference between a legitimate road and a rocky unpaved stretch of hilly gravel.
.........southern Illinois towns really have to get on labeling their roads with the county road number or at least the right name

ROAD TRIP MISSION: SEE THE ABSOLUTE STUPIDEST THINGS WE CAN FIND IN ILLINOIS IN 2.2 DAYS!!!!

DAY 1.
I managed to thoroughly impress JoeJoe with my roadtriping skills by not only showing up early but also bringing along goody bags (that included car games, snacks, and Simpsons pens). He then proceeded to eat all of the fruit rollups I brought him before we even reached Jen's House.
With Nad, Joe, and Jen in tow we left "Chicagoland" and headed off to the strange distant land called "Illinois."

WILMINGTON: GEMINI GIANT - SPACE AGE MUFFLER MAN
The Gemini Giant is a Muffler Man wearing a space suit and carrying a rocket that advertises the "Launching Pad" drive through that it is attached to. We stopped inside for some mini corn dogs (how did 3 of the 4 of us decide on mini corn dogs?), fries, and milkshakes. yummmmm. Great food and a great giant? What a way to start a trip!

NORWAY: AGRICULTURAL CRASH MONUMENT
So, have you ever come across a crashed airplane on the side of the road? Maybe it was an agricultural crash monument! This was a crashed plane on the side of a country corn road, just kind of hanging out. It was dedicated to farmers who lived "thru" the Agricultural crash of the 1980's. It's kind of graffitied up by now...but kinda neat.

PERU: WORLD'S LARGEST POT OF COFFEE
The "World's Largest Pot of Coffee" in Peru isn't really the world's largest pot of coffee...it's a sign for a chain of truck stops. I knew this, and it was a pretty pathetic site, but, as I told the crew, there was nothing else for over two hours, so might as well stop there!

That was it for Friday, so we drove a bit more to stop at a Super 8 in Wenona for a good nights sleep...We had a lot to get to! Surprise surprise when our hotel had a fighter jet parked in the parking lot! Add one more site to my list! (JoeJoe kept saying two for two, etc. as we went along...I don't think he believed that we'd find anything I wanted to see...he should learn to trust me more)

DAY 2

ARCOLA: RAGGEDY ANN MUSEUM
After a bit of driving (OK, OK a LOT of driving) we made it to our first stop of the day...Arcola! Arcola, Illinois is the birthplace of the creator of Raggedy Ann. We stopped by the museum, but since we didn't have much time, we didn't really have time to actually go through the museum. But we visited the gift shop! It was run by some very nice people who seemed rather devoted to the doll. And we signed a petition to get Raggedy Ann's (boyfriend? brother? Illegitimate love child?) Raggedy Andy into the National Toy Hall of Fame...you should sign the petition too.

ARCOLA: ONE AND ONLY HIPPIE MEMORIAL
Around the corner was the "One and Only Hippie Memorial." It, well, looked like something that should be memorializing hippies. It was basically a long wall along the train tracks decorated with junk. Very odd. Very odd indeed.

MATTOON: THE ORIGINAL "BURGER KING"
Now, where else would you stop for lunch on a roadtrip of oddities other than Burger King? Now, don't you worry, this wasn't just any old Burger King. It was the Original Burger King, and by that I mean it wasn't a "Burger King" at all! Basically this place had an Illinois trademark on the name "Burger King" before the chain came about, so they got to keep the name. Nice little local hamburger joint with much better burgers than that other place. And they had Chocolate Coke! And I at least thought it was delicious! We also totally got the four double cheeseburger and a half pound of fries special. Mmmmm.

CHARLESTON: WORLD'S LARGEST AND UGLIEST LINCOLN STATUE
Yes, it was tall. Yes, it was ugly. Very tall. Not as ugly though as I hear it used to be (a resort is being built around it, so I think the resort people had him painted and cleaned up...and maybe took the bullet out of his head...). He was very very very very tall though. And kind of awesome, because...well, who builds a gigantic president? This was one of very few sites where we saw other tourists.

GAYS: TWO-STORY OUTHOUSE
Yup, you read me...a TWO-STORY OUTHOUSE! Too bad they don't let you use it :( Or maybe not so bad. But it was once used and actually worked. But it's a TWO-STORY OUTHOUSE!

EFFINGHAM: GIANT CROSS
This is a giant cross. Yeah, that's about it. It is surrounded by plaques of the ten commandments. Each commandment had a rock that spoke affirmations or something. Jen sat there listening to commandment one for about twenty minutes before giving up. Who has time for that? We get the gist of it!!!

OLNEY: HOME OF THE WHITE SQUIRRELS
Olney is the home of the white squirrels. They have some weird breed of albino squirrels that live there, and not many other places in the world. But, after wandering the park, we could not find any. :(

METROPOLIS: BIG JOHN, GROCERY CLERK
Our first stop in Metropolis was not the most obvious. Before getting on to that, we stopped at the Big John to see the Big John. Those are a little-seen chain of grocery stores with giant men with grocery bags in their parking lots. He's kind of a cousin to the muffler man.

METROPOLIS: SUPERMAN STATUE
OK, OK, now it's time to see what Metropolis is really known for: Superman! In the town square they've got an area dedicated to the super hero who graces Metropolis. A giant statue! A museum (again, no museum, it was closed when we got there anyways)! A phone booth to run and change in! OK, so in the scheme of things it is kind of the most pathetic display you'll ever see...but for the purposes of our trip, I don't think you could find a better mecca of cheese! Top that off with the fact that it was 7oclock and there wasn't an open restaurant in site, and the only thing that was open was the kryptonite tattoo shop, and you have one perfectly stupid town!!!!

ALTO PASS: BALD KNOB CROSS OF PEACE
So...you kind of know you're in trouble when it's 9oclock at night and you realize that you next destination is truly in the middle of nowhere, through winding roads of vineyards and your directions stop before the point where you have to drive 4 miles up a mountain...and you didn't even think a mountain existed in Illinois. So, after much assuming because we could not find a single road that was on our directions, we finally found a sign that pointed to the road we needed to take to find the Bald Knob Cross of Peace (read: giant cross at top of mountain). I drove us in the pitch black through a tiny gravely winding road up the mountain. It was damn creepy. DAMN CREEPY! We truly expected to break down in front of a deserted house only to have someone run after us with an ax. Or for the road to just stop and for us to plummet down a mountain. Or some equally creepy horror-film in the making moment. The road was black and covered in trees and I could hardly see a damn thing. Finally (finally!) we realized that we were, in fact up the mountain, and saw the cross...way off in the distance in a place that looked like there was no way we could actually drive to. But with the sun setting behind it, and the sky a beautiful shade of purple, we trudged on. Finally (finally!) we made it to the cross! My camera was kind of wonky and would not take pics because it was basically pitch black by the time we found the cross. And there were these holes in the cross that made it sound like it was breathing. And there was this other couple who drove us but stayed a bit down the hill. And we thought they were murderers who were going to slash my tires and kill us. But it was beautiful to be up there. Amazing really.

After the cross we drove to Chester to look for Popeye and hotels. All the hotels there were either a booked Best Western or very creepy looking bed and breakfasts. And the whole town was very dark. And we'd had enough creep, so we backtracked a bit and went to a Best Western out of town that insisted over the phone that they were not a Best Western. So when we got there we were rather surprised to find that the sign said Best Western...and the soap and the keys and the everything...except the receipt the next day :)

DAY 3

CHESTER: HOME OF POPEYE
By the light of day Chester aint so creepy...unless you count that the town is based around Popeye because the creator was born there. We first found a little park with a statue to Wimpy. Then we drove to the Popeye statue, which was dangerously close to the "cross the Mississippi and no-turning-back leave the state bridge, thus ruining the only in Illinois roadtrip). But we found the Popeye just before the bridge! He was, well, Popeye. The woman at the gift shop near Wimpy told us that they plan on getting the whole crew of Popeye characters to join him in the coming years. We'll have to come back!

NASHVILLE: TINY CHURCH - THE TRAVELER'S CHAPEL
The tiny church was a little wooden church in the grassy alley behind a gas station. It was kind of cute and kind of out of place. Unfortunately they closed it off so we couldn't get inside, but I am still determined to marry JoeJoe there.

COLLINSVILLE: WORLD'S LARGEST CATSUP BOTTLE
WHO DOESN'T LOVE CATSUP!!!!! IT IS MY FAVORITE CONDIMENT!!!! The catsup bottle pretty much looked like the amount I normally take on my hamburger. It was a water tower made to look like a catsup bottle in honor of a catsup plant that used to grace the town. The plant isn't there anymore, but the catsup is!!!! YUM!!!!

ALTON: LIFE SIZE STATUE OF WORLD'S TALLEST MAN
At 8'1" Robert Wadlow was the biggest man ever! Even bigger than Scott! He was born in Alton in 1918 and he sold shoes because, obviously, he had big feet (hmmm, you know what they say about men with big feet.) They erected a statue (hehe, like my play on words there) to him in Alton. It is life-size so you can see how tall he really was. They also had a replica of his chair. I sat down and just kept sliding and sliding and sliding back. I thought it was going to eat me whole!

ALTON: LEGEND OF THE PIASA BIRD
On the side of a cliff in Alton there is a big painting of the "Piasa Bird." It basically looked like something Napoleon Dynamite would have drawn, with a legend to match. 'Nuff said.

LIVINGSTON: BEACH GUY AND PINK ELEPHANT
The beach guy was not a muffler man, but he was tall. And he made friends with a PINK elemaphant, so he's cool in my book. They stand outside an old high school turned antique mall looking all hawt. Did I mention that the elemaphant was PINK?

SPRINGFIELD: LAUTERBACH TIRE MUFFLER MAN
Another muffler man! This one carried a flag. Not as exciting as a rocket. We make sure to visit the most important thing in our state's capital. We have our priorities straight.

SPRINGFIELD: LINCOLN'S LUCKY NOSE
We did at least go to see Abraham Lincoln's grave. Of course, that was only to rub his lucky nose. But whatever. Lincoln has a very off color nose. Someone should blow it for him!

SPRINGFIELD: 30-FT-TALL SKINNY LINCOLN
Again, when in your state's capital it is always important to go to the things that really matter. Such as a tall skinny statue of our 16th president made to look as if he was truly Greg Brady.

LINCOLN: GIANT LINCOLN ON COVERED WAGON
On to Lincoln to see...more Lincoln! This time he is sitting on top of a large covered wagon and reading a book about law. Man, that men gets around!

LINCOLN: LINCOLN WATERMELON MONUMENT
AND NOW...TIME FOR QUITE POSSIBLY THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE!!!! It was...a monument to Lincoln...that was...seriously and solitarily...a slice of watermelon!!!!! A SLICE OF WATERMELON!!! Isn't melon what you think of when you think of the president???? It had to do with him christening the town with melon juice or something. And I think it's the damn stupidest thing I will ever see!!!! Congratulations Lincoln!!! (oh, I also totally managed to lick it while taking this picture. It was kind of gross.)

ATLANTA: MUFFLER MAN HOLDING HOT DOG
Another muffler man! This one had a hot dog. He actually used to live a lot closer to me in Cicero but was relocated here in 2003. Nadia remembered him from her childhood in that area.

EAST PEORIA: ROOSTER IN A TOP HAT
We arrived in East Peoria only to see our rooster straight off the highway. He was a cock in a hat outside of a bakery that had really dumb hours.
We capped off our day in East Peoria at a Twistee Treat...an ice cream joint that was shaped like an ice cream. They had a damn good fake-strawberry shake. Mmmmmm. A perfect way to end the day :)

So, that was my road trip!!!!! I thought it was tons of fun!!! I hope everyone else did too. Or at least I hope they don't think I am too crazy for dragging them around the state to see a whole lotta crap. I was satisfied :)

I am proud of myself for being able to plan out a pretty awesome trip...and for driving the entire time! I don't think I would have/could have done any of this even a year ago. I'm really happy I was able to convince a couple of people to follow me around the state in search of stupidity...Maybe there will be more trips to come...there is so much stupidity left to see!!!!!!

MORE PICTURES HERE!!!!!

Posted by valry at 6:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

JoeJoe, me, Nadia, and Jen under the World's Largest Bottle of Catsup!

Had a fucking amazing time!
Who knew Illinois had so much awesome crap!
Recap and tons of pics later.

Posted by valry at 12:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...Roadtripping around the state!
I'll be back Sunday night!

(p.s. isn't it appropriate that my trip starts off on F13????)
(p.p.s. is it crazy that every time I go on vacation or have a major event taking place, I get really excited before I go...about planning the website I will create to showcase the pictures???)

Posted by valry at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1. On Stalking
faeriewingtips: i have taken my stalking to a new crazy level
faeriewingtips: i met a realy cute guy today...and tracked him down on myspace
faeriewingtips: but he is "in a relationship" :-(
WetWilli106: if you hadn't stalked your way there you could still have your hopes up
faeriewingtips: i know
faeriewingtips: but i will never see him again anyways
faeriewingtips: the internet makes it too easy to stalk
faeriewingtips: and i needed to find out his name
WetWilli106: ha

2. On Roadtrips
So I don't think anyone is going to go with me anyways :(, but I plotted a map today of all the places that are possibilities for my awesome Illinois roadtrip this summer. Maybe someone will join me???

3. On Dreams
The other night I had two different dreams. I normally don't post dreams, but I also don't normally have two I remember so clearly in one night and I also normally can't so clearly and obviously interpret my dreams either. So deal...

In dream one I decided to park my car near one of those srip malls near Oak Brook and skate to work. I was skating to my old job even though I knew I should be going the other way to Lyric. But I figured that I would turn around once I got there. As I was skating I ran into another guy who was skating as well. He was kind of cute and we started holding hands while we skated. Then we got to this building and I decided to hide, hoping he'd try to find me. But then he just kept on skating and dissapeared. And I felt so stupid that I had hidden. I chased after him though and found him with a bunch of other people. And he was with a friend of mine and i got mad that he never introduced us before because this guy was just my type. And then he told me why and it kind of made sense.

In dream number two I was in my room and my dad came in to ask me if I had fed my birds. I didn't have my own bird but some "training birds" that he'd found in a box in the basement. I hadn't fed the birds, in fact I hadn't fed them, or taken the cover off their cag in a week. I took the cover off and a couple of them were dead and the rest were savage for food and dying. I was afraid to open the cage so I started pouring some food into the cage and poured some water over them.

Posted by valry at 10:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTYK!!! (if it is your birthday)

For trying to fool me into thinking it wasn't his b-day, I told him I'd post a naked pic of him online...

:)

So, you know those memory games online? The ones where each time you make a match it will reveal more and more of a picture until you see the whole thing? It's good to know the government computers in the world of 24 rely on that highly sophisticated computer technology :) Seriously, computer programs on television always make me laugh because they are always made to look so flashy when I am sure in real life anyone in that position is just looking at a black screen with a bunch of white 0s and 1s. My favorite are always those programs where with a click of the button it will shave off ten pounds or give them a nose job or something when that takes a ton of time and skill.

Anyways, end rant. 24 is getting really odd and complicated and makes me mad and sad and angry. I need to stick with American Idol :)

After 24 on Monday we watched a new Top Gear, which was pretty funny (except when they showed the huge crash one of them got in) and had JAMIE OLIVER as a guest. Have I ever mentioned here that I am sososo in love with Jamie Oliver??? I love him. I would marry him if he wasn't already married. I own a set of Jamie Oliver pots and pans too. He's so dreamy :)

I also determined that MattyK will get more business if he wears a monkey costume. I swear he would.

My sister officially set her wedding date during Sheboygan Brat Days. No Kobayashi for Val :(

I started mapping out where all the bestest Illinois sites are for a mini-road trip and figure we might be able to do a little loop around the state:

When it's warm, of course. Who's in?

I saw half of Cosi fan tutte today, but was late to the second half :(

Posted by valry at 6:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)